Losing it slowly....

I'm going crazy .... I'm seriously losing my fucking mind. I'm so tired I'm sobbing. And I could fall asleep in 5 seconds if I wanted to. But I don't. Cos I know what lies on the other side. And I can't go there. I WONT go there. So I stay awake. And as the night goes on I get more and more delusional. Throwing things around my room. Growling with frustration. And tomorrow I need to go to work and make like all is okay. I can't tell anyone about my night. They don't care. They don't want to hear about it because it's all they've been listening to for months. Years. So I'll go starkers on myself here. And tomorrow just have to pull it all together again. And tomorrow night we shall meet again. And the cycle will continue. This will never stop. Not until in death will I be freed from this hell.