Losing Hope

On waking from one of my dreams, I am too afraid to go back to sleep. This has been the pattern for the last 5 nights. Wake up anything between 5am and 7am from a horrible nightmare and then no matter how tired I am I cannot go back to sleep.  Since I am on this marketing trip I don't have the option like I do at home to be lazy or grumpy in my own bed, so I have to force myself up, awake and into the reception area of wherever I'm staying, then convince the tired receptionist to open the bar and give me a coke so I can try mad shock myself into conciousness.  My travel mate Kay-Leigh, our assistant manager, has taken the opportunity of this trip with both arms and is out in the day doing hiking trails and beach swims and at night is in the bar until the last person leaves, even though she doesn't drink. I on the other hand am tired and grumpy by 7.  Though sleeping is the last thing I want to do because of the dreams. I can't explain the internal dialogue I have both night and the next morning with myself about the fight between extreme exhaustion and fear of going to sleep. I wish I could be the big ball of energy that Kay is because that is how I used to be.  That was me.  Not anymore.  I'm seeing such amazing ideas on this trip that I would love to implement at my backpackers. But will I have the energy? My beautiful business deserves more than me. My staff deserve more than me. And I want to be that person I just don't know how anymore.