I took a while to write this post since I wanted to calm down from the whole experience first. I was away in Hogsback at a conference for a week, during which I had an absolutely petrifying nightmare about men chasing me with sticks wanting to rape me, whilst chanting the whole time. I woke up by sitting up suddenly, to see my friend who was away with me shouting my name trying to wake me up because I had been crying in my sleep. It was 04h40 in the morning and that was it for my nights sleep, and I had 8 hours of conference activities to attend that day. So at this point I was really excited to get back to get to the endocrinologist for my results.
Monday came and I was filled with dread because I knew it was going to be bad news either way. Either, I'd be told I had some horrible condition, or I'd be told everything was fine and then still be left with no answers. Turns out is was the latter. The doctor slowly went through each thing that they had tested me for, which led me to believe they had found something because otherwise I thought she would start with ''great news, no problems on your blood work.'' But no. She slowly went through each thing. The only problems they picked up were that my Vitamin D levels are 18, they should be a minimum of 30. And in my diabetes test, the second sample of blood my sugar was slightly higher than expected but ''nothing to worry about.'' I literally fell to the floor sobbing. My doctor handed me a tissue and tried telling me it was good news because ''Cushings Disease in itself is a nightmare''. This didn't make me feel any better. I don't care what it is, I want to know what's wrong with me and I want to do something about it. She then asked me when I'm seeing my psychiatrist again, so I knew what she was really thinking. I left with a prescription for Vitamin D supplements, ran to my car so no one would see I was crying and once I got into my car I just broke down. It took me 40 minutes before I felt able to drive. I called my dad to tell him the results but had to call him back later because he couldn't hear what I was saying I was so hysterical.
So where to from here? I don't know. I honestly can't think of one more doctor I could possibly try. So this is why I was just so so devastated. Because I honestly don't think that I have any more options to try, and I am in a lot of debt with all these doctors bills. The initial endocrinologist consultation and then the follow up cost me R2400 and my medical insurance only gave me R425 back. Luckily they covered all the pathology.
It is an extremely scary thought that at 26 years old I am faced with living (if all goes well) another 60 years...with this nightly terror. Its hard to wrap my head around it, really. I don't know what I can do now. I know I will not give up in my search for answers. Even if it takes me my whole life, I will find the cause of this, so I can at least help someone else with it.
Monday came and I was filled with dread because I knew it was going to be bad news either way. Either, I'd be told I had some horrible condition, or I'd be told everything was fine and then still be left with no answers. Turns out is was the latter. The doctor slowly went through each thing that they had tested me for, which led me to believe they had found something because otherwise I thought she would start with ''great news, no problems on your blood work.'' But no. She slowly went through each thing. The only problems they picked up were that my Vitamin D levels are 18, they should be a minimum of 30. And in my diabetes test, the second sample of blood my sugar was slightly higher than expected but ''nothing to worry about.'' I literally fell to the floor sobbing. My doctor handed me a tissue and tried telling me it was good news because ''Cushings Disease in itself is a nightmare''. This didn't make me feel any better. I don't care what it is, I want to know what's wrong with me and I want to do something about it. She then asked me when I'm seeing my psychiatrist again, so I knew what she was really thinking. I left with a prescription for Vitamin D supplements, ran to my car so no one would see I was crying and once I got into my car I just broke down. It took me 40 minutes before I felt able to drive. I called my dad to tell him the results but had to call him back later because he couldn't hear what I was saying I was so hysterical.
So where to from here? I don't know. I honestly can't think of one more doctor I could possibly try. So this is why I was just so so devastated. Because I honestly don't think that I have any more options to try, and I am in a lot of debt with all these doctors bills. The initial endocrinologist consultation and then the follow up cost me R2400 and my medical insurance only gave me R425 back. Luckily they covered all the pathology.
It is an extremely scary thought that at 26 years old I am faced with living (if all goes well) another 60 years...with this nightly terror. Its hard to wrap my head around it, really. I don't know what I can do now. I know I will not give up in my search for answers. Even if it takes me my whole life, I will find the cause of this, so I can at least help someone else with it.
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